Thursday, March 22, 2012

I'm having a moment today, so please bear with me while I think out loud.

I am in a place in my life right now where I am taking stock of my life, making big plans for the future and trying my darnedest to push ahead and make these secret yearnings a reality.
The biggest part of this plan, the part that causes me the most hesitation and heart ache, is the fact that I can't wrap all of my nearest and dearest up in a neatly tied little package and bring them with me.

They will always have a place in my heart, but if there's one thing that I've learnt from years of separation, it's that those connections are so easily lost with time and distance. And the thought of that is totally terrifying to me.

My people are my family. So my new mantra is to cherish, connect with and nurture those connections with these seriously special members of my tribe.
To simplify and streamline my lifestyle and my environment, so that it is more conducive to connecting with the people of importance in my life.
I don't know the steps to make this happen or have the answers to make this a reality......... here's where the floundering around part comes back into play.

I'm finding since my return from Australia that there are so many things on my list that need to be conquered in order for us to be able to have the financial freedom to move back.
I keep tackling the little projects, the one's that have a start and a finish, they make me feel like I've accomplished one little miracle at a time.
But they're not really contributing to the big picture.
I feel like these little daily overhauls are taking time away from my people. I need to find a way to get my s&*t sorted in a more efficient, timely manner. Make better use of my down time when the kids are at school, spend less time cleaning and more time "making time" for my family.

The kids are on spring break for two weeks, so there's lots of family time to be had. There are adventures to chase, master pieces to create and lots of snuggles on the couch and movies to be watched. Today is one of those days, it's snowing out side and I have a few extra kid's for the day to keep my little one's busy.

So I'm allocating my morning to purging and cleaning a space for me. A space where I can sit, reflect, work and connect, without the weight of the overwhelming mess and clutter threatening to swallow me up.
Because now it's time to focus on the big scary things. Finishing renovations, bank refinancing, renting out the basement and my favorite, preparing for court to end this roofing nightmare.
And to do that, I need some organisation and focus so that it doesn't gobble me up like a big monster and leave nothing for my family.

It's not rocket science, but it's a start, hopefully in the right direction.

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